escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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