i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
