I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
