Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
