Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He passed out mid-signature
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
