I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
