How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
