Im at strip club and am horny
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
