OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
