you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How does one acquire holy water?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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