I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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