Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish you could order shots online.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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