So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
