I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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