4 words: hood of his car
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
