I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize