Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
