I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
