why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
