Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize