the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
