Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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