in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
