Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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