He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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