when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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