If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
