Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
