So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
