Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
