My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
