it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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