She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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