well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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