come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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