a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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