i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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