does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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