So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
