He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
