I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
