I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
