I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
