I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
