i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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