Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
