Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
