fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
