why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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