Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
