i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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