This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
