I don't think brook has ever known best
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
