Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
