I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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