tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize