I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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