drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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