Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
