Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
