your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize