Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
