It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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