First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
