They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
please come you make the beer taste better
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
