your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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