i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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