I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
