Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
